This is a blog about my favorite things, right?... well this post is just the opposite. It's a synapse of the least favorite year of my life (just this past week). Read it and weep- not really. I understand that my problems seem very minuscule to other people's problems, but all comparisons aside and just viewing this a "Me" and my life- these issues are pretty big.
Just a little warning. This is a personal message- not any review about entertainment or media. It's what I like to call an "Official Emo-Blogger's Post"...
This week has officially gone from bad to worse to horrible; all in just seven days. I returned from Thanksgiving break only to find that my house had been broken into and all of my expensive items had been stolen… which are replaceable. However, the hunting knife my Grandfather gave me before he passed away is irreplaceable. I quickly got over the robbery when I realized that everything that had been stolen is covered under our insurance. Even though that is the case, it still majorly bothers me that my house, my room had been violated by someone who was not welcome there. The feeling is strange. I know that I’m financially insured, but it upsets me further that there are people out there who feel the need to just help themselves to whatever they like. Obviously these “people” are dangerous. If they can break into someone’s home, forget all morals and laws and not worry about the repercussions, then what else are they capable of doing? This was my first upset of the week.
On the following Saturday, sibling rivalry arose between my brother and I. After a heated argument, my brother decided that he should vandalize my car- that that would put everything into perspective for me so I could see things on his level. Obviously this just pissed me off even further. Again, this is another thing that I have to worry about this week. What I should be worrying about are finals next week. This year has been especially hard for me with academics. I’ve had trouble before, but that was justified by lack of studying and not attending class. This year, however, has been much different. I attended class regularly, studied greatly for tests, spent numerous hours a week on homework, and fretted over material I couldn’t understand. I turned to Google for most of my help because my teachers weren’t depicting it when it came to teaching. All in all, when it comes down to the last week of classes, I’ve ended up with an F, D, 2 Cs and a B. These grades definitely don’t constitute a “fail-out”, however they don’t meet the minimum GPA requirement of the University which results in myself being put on Academic Probation.
Unfortunately this will be my second time on probation. It’s horrible, and I know that- which is why I’m on the brink of an academic breakdown. What did I do wrong this time? Not spend enough time on homework? Well I’ve spent at most 8 hours on one assignment alone. Not enough studying? I start at least 3 days ahead of test time and spend many hours a day studying. I don’t know. It’s gotten me down pretty far. Next semester will definitely be different because I’ll be starting on a major I really enjoy. But for now, the sad thing is that I’m not scared about screwing up some grades. What I am scared about is what my parents will do. It’s sad when all you think about is pleasing your parents- which is definitely not how it should be. But when I’m threatened to fund my own college if I can’t get good enough grades, it adds extra pressure on me, which often results in worse grades. The last time I was on academic probation, I had to dive into my personal savings and pay for tuition myself. No loans, not anything to help. Now, that’s what I’m facing again.
As for the horrible end to my week of hell; I just learned last night that my Great-Great Grandmother passed away- funeral pending this weekend, the weekend before finals. So will I be able to focus enough to get the grades I need on my finals? We will see. All I would like is understanding- that I am trying as hard as I can. This is life, not high school. I may have seemed like a prodigal twin 4 years ago, but now I’m my own person- not to be compared to my family of "geniuses" (how they portray themselves to be).
So what do I need to fix all of this? I need Christmas break to start now!
